9 ways to find common ground at work (without losing your mind)
Just because everyone speaks the same language at work doesn’t mean they understand each other. And when you don’t understand each other, it’s damn hard to get things done. You can have the best strategy, the clearest plan and the most talented team — but without real human connection, collaboration is a flimsy facade.
And this isn’t just about big projects. It’s about everyday interactions, team decisions and workplace culture. You can’t work together if you don’t see the person across from you as a fellow human, so stop hating and start relating.
1. Show up with intent.
Most people are focused on one thing in the midst of workplace conflict: coming out on top. They listen to reply, not to understand. Sure, being right feels good — but when the dust settles, you’ve accomplished nothing and damaged your relationships.
So, forget about proving a point and embrace understanding each other.
Listen actively: Let people finish. Then repeat back what you heard so you both know you understood.
Ask questions: “Could you help me understand your perspective?” beats a thousand arguments. It also shows you’re interested and not just waiting for them to shut up.
Pause before reacting: Count to three, breathe and don’t be the person who snaps first. And don’t be afraid to sit in silence for a moment — it shows you’re carefully considering what to say instead of giving a manufactured response.
2. Look for the human.
Stop arguing with the position, and start seeing the person behind it. People are more than their workplace opinions, and you never know what battles they’re fighting behind the scenes.
Try to see their side: “This might matter to them because…”
Find a way to relate: What goals or fears do you have in common? They just might bring you together.
Give them a little credit: Before tough convos, write down one thing you respect about them.
And always ask yourself: How would I feel if they didn’t care about my perspective?
3. Be vulnerable (yes, really).
Showing weakness or admitting uncertainty in workplace communication is scary — but it works. Vulnerability disarms the other person and builds trust. But don’t use it as a manipulation tactic to get what you want; the point is for both people to see each other for who they genuinely are.
Own your part: “I realize I might be misunderstanding you, and I want to fix that.”
Share your stakes: “I’ve put countless hours into this, so I want it to be great.”
Ask for input: “I don’t have all the answers. What do you think?”
As cool as it might seem to be the emotional enigma around the office, it won’t get you anywhere. Start putting your cards on the table so people know what to do with them.
4. Consider what they want.
Understanding isn’t enough. Respond to what the other person actually needs from the conversation. If they never get it, they won’t exactly be hyped to talk to you moving forward.
If they feel steamrolled: Ask their opinion more.
If they just want to be right: Acknowledge the points you see, even if you disagree elsewhere.
If they need reassurance: Tell them what they can count on from you moving forward.
Meeting people where they are — not where you wish they were — turns tense conversations into productive collaboration.
5. Focus on shared goals.
Workplace collaboration usually devolves into a fight over the how, not the why. Find the why, and remind yourself what it is every time there’s a disagreement.
Start with “We both want…” e.g., “We both want this project to get done on time.”
Ask outcome-oriented questions: “What result matters most here?” or “How can we get there together?”
Stay objective: Are you critical because you don’t like them, or because their idea truly won’t work? Giving them credit where it’s due will help them (and others) see you as an unbiased voice of reason.
You’re on the same team, literally and figuratively, so start acting like it.
6. Choose your language and tone wisely.
Words build bridges — or blow up conversations (like these corporate clichés). Make yours count:
Use “I” statements: “I feel concerned when…” instead of “You always…”
Acknowledge them before disagreeing: “I see your point; here’s my take…”
Avoid sarcasm: Unless you’re laughing together, a snide comment can send an already tense convo into a tailspin.
Check your delivery: Pauses, nods, eye contact and inviting body language matter more than you think.
Sometimes, the key is getting back to basics: Speak how you want to be spoken to.
7. Set boundaries without apology.
Some workplace misunderstandings and tension exist simply because people don’t know they’ve crossed a line. Saying something clarifies it — for you and for them.
State it clearly: “I need X from you in this discussion.”
Keep it firm but calm: Healthy boundaries don’t require drama or defensiveness.
Don’t overexplain: The more you defend the lines you’ve drawn, the less reasonable they seem to others.
Follow through: Consistency shows you mean what you say and take yourself seriously.
There’s a fine line between being a team player and letting people take advantage of you. Find the sweet spot in a way that works for you.
8. Don’t overthink conversations.
I get it, this one is tough. But not every comment, look or shift in tone carries hidden meaning in team communication. And if it does, it says more about the other person because they weren’t mature enough to be direct. Overanalyzing does you more harm than good.
Take it at face value: Accept conversations for what they are. Listen to the words they say, not how they say them.
Ignore the backhanded stuff: You’ll never truly know the intent, so don’t lose sleep over it.
Focus on your response, not their delivery: Control what you can and release what you can’t.
It’s not your job to sift through inscrutable social cues, so do yourself a favor and stop trying to.
9. Practice every day.
Whether you like it or not, resolving workplace conflict and improving collaboration requires skills that take time to build: emotional maturity, self-awareness and empathy, to name a few. You can start small, but keep the momentum going.
Micro check-ins: Take two minutes to ask someone how they feel about a project, process or relationship.
Reflect and adjust: After a tough conversation, jot down what helped and what didn’t.
Create team norms: For example, no interrupting others while they’re trying to explain something.
Switch perspectives: Explain someone else’s idea before sharing your own.
Embrace being uncomfortable: Old habits really do die hard, so don’t expect it to be easy.
Collaborating starts with relating
The ability to understand others is one of several must-have soft skills at work. It’s the backbone of productive teams, change initiatives that stick and workplaces people want to be a part of.
Try one new thing every day, like asking questions, being vulnerable or letting go of overthinking, and watch the difference. Over time, all these small moves will make a big impact.
Want to make sure everyone’s on the same page during big changes? Learn how to get better team feedback using the free Feedback Fix guide.
